we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
