Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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