Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
