she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
