We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
