So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
