I just cut my nipple shaving
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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