A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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