i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
