I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
