Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
