bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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