I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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