I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
