The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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