My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
