Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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