Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize