just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
