ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
