I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
