I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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