i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
