Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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