I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
