Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
