I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
