By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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