accomplished twins. life is a go
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
