I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm jealous of your bromance
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
