Swine flu. Run for my life!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
