Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
