we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
