if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
