Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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