Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
