I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
