just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were trust falling into bushes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
