there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
