he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Less talking, more tequila
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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