I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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