Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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