i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
