Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
