I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
