tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
