Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
