If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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