Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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