im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
