Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
