he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
