well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
