youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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