my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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