Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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