Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
