i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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