i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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