I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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