do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
