i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
