I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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