ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
