It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
