Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
