I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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