Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
