she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there was a trapeze. enough said
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
