god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
