Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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