I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
